Let me use the occasion and drop you all a brief update on us… We’re back in Sofia after a lengthy but still kind of pleasant drive from Holland to Bulgaria. The holiday was too short unfortunately… but then few good holidays are actually “long enough”. Now we’ve gotten into the daily life back here and the church is slowly picking up as well after a pretty empty summer.

I myself have been blessed with the ability to work 25% more than I ever had for the past three weeks and if I manage to keep at it until the end of the month (more would already be the icing of the cake) it’d be wonderful.  Petra’s work hasn’t resumed to full speed yet, but in a week or two she’ll probably want to be back on holiday as well. This school year she’s also going to be teaching first aid courses at the school, so it will certainly be different than what she had earlier.

We’ve finally gotten ourselves to select a new bed – the second bed in the family (the first being still in Holland cause it’s too bulky to transport). We’re so excited to actually have a chance to sleep at night. It will certainly play a role in my tiredness and sleeping pattern chaos. Lately we’ve been trying to make the place of my mum a bit nicer and comfortable to live in and that’s removed a lot of annoyances with stuff breaking down daily (esp. the old beaten hot water boiler).

Still no definite word on our own apartment. Certainly for the next 9 months we’ll be staying where we are (should the house itself not fall down). If you think of us, please, do continue to pray for this situation. It’s way beyond being an annoyance for us – we simply don’t think of it anymore, but the monthly payments remind us of it regularly, so it’s not exactly “being easy” either.

For the rest – the trip through Romania was surprisingly quick and pleasant. There was some waiting and road works but nothing compared to previous years. Mind you, even on the ferry we had space to open our car doors. Progress is taking place!

We’re in Germany now, with Ali and Sonja, barely surviving the awful heat that’s hit Western Europe. On Wednesday evening we’ll drive the remaining 4-5hrs to Holland. Hopefully by then the weather would be a bit more normal for the region.

That’s about it for now. Just wanted to show off with the new car. You’ll hear more from us in two-three weeks time.

Maybe it’s my poor vocabulary, maybe it’s just cause I’m tired, but right now I can think of a whole bunch of phrases that basically express the meaning of “screw up” (not to mention the single word expressions), while I can only think of a couple that express the opposite. Funny, huh? Anyhow…

The question is: How do you get past that? How do you keep on living in the midst of all that’s being painted with an unpleasant substance? When you see injustice – what do you do? Or do you not see this… you keep your eyes closed? What do you see when you close your eyes? I, being myself, can’t close my eyes. It was all fine till the point when I realized I can’t change it all… actually, I can’t change almost anything. Now the stuff I see bothers me so much, I can barely stand it.

I’ve been telling myself “don’t seek justice, this is God’s job.” It does help most of the time. I needed something more, however, and happily I got a reminder tonight. For a brief moment (an attosecond, perhaps) I closed my eyes and saw…  something that’s worth closing your eyes and seeing.

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:

Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:

To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!

- Revelation 5:11-13, NIV

I can’t keep my eyes closed, but I’m looking forward to a day when open they will see this same image.

I was in the village just the other day. It’s good that I drove there because the gradual change of environment and constantly decreasing quality of the road helped me adjust. If I were to fly there it’d be quite a shock, I’m sure.

City people who complain about life ought to be sent to the village. Life is life. Depending on where you live.

The same seems to be valid for justice these days. You look around you and you see so much of the opposite – tons of people corrupted by power, many others living under the impression they’re some sort of kings… When at the end, we all get hungry, we all get thirsty. The only difference is that some are hungry for longer than others. The life of some is more of a life than this of others…

A few days ago a woman wanted to jump off a bridge in Sofia because she owned 500 bucks and couldn’t pay them back. Today I read that a family of three burned in their own house a day before the 14th birthday of the child. Supposedly it was a suicide because of the poverty they lived in. The other day I read about a policeman who was caught selling drugs while on the job. And a week ago I read about a guy who killed a female pedestrian with his Porsche, driving 120km/h where 60km/h was allowed. His sentence – 18months probation. Life does have a price. Depending on where you live.

I mostly try to not think about injustice. I’m under the impression that this is how most of us deal with it… Otherwise, I imagine, it’d be really hard to laugh at funny movies or buy that extra pair of fashionable clothing. Yet, I wonder if this really is the way to go. It gets even harder when you try to fix things up to only see them torn down by someone else the next day. I’m starting to grow tired and weary from all this and I wonder what the next level will be. Things are easier to ignore when you’re younger, but oddly enough – things are considerably harder to fix when you grow older. And since we can’t stop time – what do we do when it’s hard to ignore things but we’re mostly unable to change them?

Life… only if it didn’t depend on where you live!

Now, to a more meaningful topic – Jerome Klapka Jerome and his masterpiece of brutal comedy Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog), which by the way you could download freely in various formats (epub, pdf, kindle, etc.) from feedbooks.com – a great source for public domain classics. Anyway, back to the book… I’ve read it in Bulgarian way back when I was a kid. My father used to laugh so much over it, I couldn’t help but try and find out why. Reading it in English now – it’s only funnier. I highly recommend it if you’ve never came across it so far. Here’s a couple of quotes to sparkle your interest:

“George goes to sleep at a bank from ten to four each day, except Saturdays, when they wake him up and put him outside at two…”

“I don’t know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me. It seems to me so shocking to see the precious hours of a man’s life – the priceless moments that will never come back to him again – being wasted in mere brutish sleep. There was George, throwing away in hideous sloth the inestimable gift of time; his valuable life…”

Have you ever wondered how others will remember you? Like, if you were to be gone tomorrow – what would bring you to the minds of others? What would make others think of you again? It’s a scary matter to think about… at 4am. Nevertheless, it’s been in my head for a while, so I figured I need to spit it out (excuse the substances that come with that).

Will I be remembered for the things I do? Or also for who I am…? But then how do you distinguish between essence and qualities? Does what I do define me before the people around or are they able to see who I am outside of what I do?

Still there? Ok. An interesting observation – if I had a blog some 7-8 years ago I would probably have said I’ll be remembered for knowing how to fix your computer. I’m gone, your computer quits working and you’ll probably be like “Hm… Now I’d probably call Pesho if he was around.” Since then I’ve mostly quit fixing computers but I’ve become a hard-core critic. Maybe today the case is more like I’m gone, you put on the TV and in whatever-the-popular-show-is there’s a character that criticizes everything and everyone… So you’re like “Hm… He’s almost as bad as Pesho was.” I’ve picked up photography as well… or at least trying to. Maybe the next time there’s nobody to take photos at the party you’ll figure I’m missing… Maybe.

I can’t quite figure out what it’s due to, but at the moment I’m unable to tell what most of the people I know would remember me with. In some cases it probably is a good thing… But it sure is bothering not to know.

Taking it a step further… Should some of my friends vanish – how would I remember them? I find myself in a net of quality-related thoughts. Bad, heh? I wish I’d be remembered for anything but the things I do… And the first things that come to mind about the people around me are these which they do. Maybe it’s just the way we function.

Kill the qualities so I can see the essence, I guess…? That’s if I manage to get past the lack of qualities. Argh.

Yet another disclaimer: This post is a rant. If you’re in a bad mood or simply not up to reading my complaints about stuff that might not even bother you, you may want to skip it.

Alright. Let’s get back to the point. Apple… I’ve had nothing to do with this company, yet I’ve had enough of it. Funny, ain’t it? I’m just sick and tired of the media blowing out of proportions anything that happens around any Apple product, the company itself or the big guy that owns it. The iPhone hype was alright for a while and it actually started to quiet down until they supersized it and put a larger price tag on it. I recall the Macbook Air introduction… and clearly see how it didn’t turn to be as successful as they may have thought/wanted.

What mostly ticked me off last is the “becoming obvious” of their product policy. It’s like every once in a while Apple tells its (wanna be) customers “We know you want more. But we also know you’ll buy what we give you. So, we’ll give you less for the same money and in six to ten months we’ll think more about it.” Then in six to ten months, having thought about it they deliver the same.

It took three generations for their super-duper mobile phone to gain the ability of handling MMS (as someone said – welcome to 2001!). Who knows how long it will take for the iPad to get a USB port… if it ever does. Or any other feature that’s actually useful.

Ideologically, they’re also starting to act worse than Microsoft… The whole ordeal with banning certain apps from the app store… Even the fact that Adobe themselves gave up trying to provide Flash on the iPod, iPhone and iPad – they must have had enough as well. Apple’s trying to control things far too much in a world which is just discovering that freedom is the way to go. Not that others aren’t doing it, but Apple just became a bit too blunt and direct. It’s like, they’re not even trying to hide it anymore…

I really wanted to like them… I had actually planned on buying a MacBook… But then the last straw fell and broke the back of any hope for it. It turns out even their latest of MacBooks (updated just a couple of days ago) are months behind what Lenovo offers for the same (or even lower) price. I just don’t want to end up paying a premium price for an average machine with a nice coating. Moreover, I don’t want a single cent from my euros to end up in their line of income.

Argh, it’s just not worth babbling more about it…

Disclaimer: parts from this writing are true. Others aren’t. You alone are guilty for how you interpret this text. The photo has nothing to do with the story. Welcome!

Yup. That’s all you’ve got to know… Mind you, it might even be all you’ll ever know – It’s a Bulgarian thing. Unexplainable. Mind blowing. Darn, it’s hard to even find words that encompass the complexity of this particular breed of stupidity.

Some claim it’s just part of the Balkan worldview. I don’t believe that. Others say it will get better… Erm, I’m not really convinced. I do agree that much of it is a result of the 45-years-long communist mind game. Right, blame it on communism and off you go with clean hands. At least that’s what most people over here have been doing for the past… what – 20 years? Pathetic. But that’s not my point.

To illustrate better – here’s a couple of examples which have come at the expense of many of my (now) white hairs and fried nerve cells (remember these pretty much don’t regenerate).

Case 1 – The Business

In Bulgaria the customer doesn’t have the right. In Bulgaria the customer doesn’t really have the choice either. The majority of service-oriented contracts free the hands of the service provider to joke around with you until you get tired, pay the damages for breaking the contract and leave. Some companies or organizations are trying to introduce the so called “hot lines”. Hot they are, given that they most likely choose the workers there based on their looks rather than their brains. But what good is that over a phone line? Should you ever get the same answer from two hot line agents you should immediately require a nearby person to smack you real hard so you wake up from the deja vu dream. In reality that don’t happen. It does happen that the same person gives you two opposing replies though (you can use this as a reality check – smart they are!).

Choice… Cho-what?! In Bulgaria you can choose between red, green or orange. They are all the same poor product, for the same high price… But they know you need it. They know you’ll buy it. In Bulgaria the business of commercials exists only to feed the underweight-silicone-pimped models and the overpaid photographers (the video commercials suck anyway… the ones that aren’t “borrowed” from other countries, at least). Yes, and to make you feel good about being messed around with.

Case 2 – The Government

In Bulgaria the government exists to drive expensive cars, build fancy mansions for its leaders and above all – prove that all laws can be broken and that without any punishment. In Bulgaria the government will rarely do anything which will significantly ease your way of life. When this occurs it’s most likely the result of a bad hangover or a clerk’s mistake. Usually they fix it shortly.

It is within the margin of what’s considered natural for state institutions to ask you to do the work they should be doing while you’re under the obligation to provide them with information only through the very same channels you’re working on fixing (or establishing) for them. It is above the ordinary for the state tax service to ask you for screen shots showing why you can’t submit your tax form… The extraordinary part here is that they managed to scramble the phrase screen shot and actually replied to your email messages. In Bulgaria you shouldn’t be troubled or feel worried if you have to wait the best of six months from your otherwise miserable life before you receive a reply which requires several hours of work on behalf of the administration. After all, you should be happy you got a reply! Now, continue your miserable life.

If you ever feel robbed by the government – get used to it. It will happen again, probably before you’ve finished reading this page.

Case 3 – The Idiots …on Motorized Wheels

In Bulgaria it is normal to have a car accident. It is acceptable to die in a car accident. If you are only severely injured fear not – you will be taken care of. Results may vary. It is normal for government officials and their drivers to cause car accidents and never be held accountable or suffer major consequences. In Bulgaria is it normal for anyone with a lot of money to drive anywhere, with any speed, park anywhere at any time… moreover, it has become a custom for rich individuals deprived of even basic brain functionality to be given car keys, driving licenses and firearms. They are easily recognizable on and off the roads and when faced with them you are kindly advised to turn around and run in the opposite direction. This piece of advice is the conclusion made from some recent tests where the self-preservation instincts of monkeys in such situations were observed.

Various Bulgarian nationals have become outrageously jealous because of the launch of the Large Hardon Collider and have improvised with their own version. Locally it is known as The Liulin Tunnel a.k.a. “the accelerator of elementary particles” (where elementary particles usually refers to the dust filling up the void in the heads of the rich individuals mentioned earlier). You may locate the landmark here: see on Google maps satellite. BEWARE! While access to the facility is largely unrestricted you are kindly advised to approach it with extreme care. Entering from either side does not guarantee you coming out of the other (at least not whilst still breathing normally and not surrounded by various colored lights and dull sirens).

Case 4 – Quality Control

In Bulgaria it is normal. You may see various examples of the Bulgarian quality control or care. One in particular I have found here. Feel free to look around on that site – there’s quite a few images that make perfect sense even if you don’t understand the language.

For the rest – in Bulgaria it’s normal for things not to work, even when sold new and tested. It is understandable that roofs will leak under heavy rain (it’s rain after all!). It is perceived as “good” when a product doesn’t cause death, although “bad” products are always going to pollute any market. In Bulgaria the label doesn’t always correspond to the contents (that’s when there is a label and contents).

Conclusions

Due to foreseen interruptions and scheduled laziness this section will be completed at a later time. Maybe.

If you’re a regular reader of the blog you’ve also noticed a few changes here and there. Most importantly, the top navigation went all the way down – in the Navigate section which used to be called Links in the past. It didn’t get much use anyhow.

I’ve been working hard on producing new images in the past month-month and a half, and that already on top of the crazy schedule. Thus, the lack of updates. The idea is to start again with somewhat regular reflections, articles, updates. Both about myself and Petra, and about photography. At one point however I even considered discontinuing the blog… I haven’t completely made up my mind about it yet. The blog started as a place for keeping in touch and unloading thoughts. So far it has proved to be of little use as a communication tool (at least not a bi-directional one), and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep the content coming, so that it will be of interest for those of you who are far away. No matter what happens, this which is currently posted will remain online… for a while… unless I change my mind. If the photography picks up well, I might launch a blog about that and keep this one for random personal updates and sharing family photos. Time will tell.

Not much has changed in our lives – work is work, sleep (at least for me) is hard to find… We’re both busy witch church things every week. I, at least can’t wait till the summer comes so we can take two weeks off. Like, for real.

Hope things are fine with you. As always, we both would appreciate hearing from you.