Indescribable. Irresistible. Impossible. The One who loved me like no other. The One who awakened me to life. The One who is always with me. My God also appears to be the One who is above all others and all else… able to provide at all times, able to comfort all tears, able to sustain all pain, so that I can go on. Yet, I have stopped trusting Him. No, it’s not like I’ve lost my faith or somethin’… not at all. I just don’t trust Him.
Ok, by now you should be interested.
A new thought occurred to me a few days ago and hasn’t left my mind ever since. It’s the thought of on-my-own type of Christian life. See, I was initially wondering on the topic of miracles and why they seem to not happen as much nowadays, yet we claim God has not changed. Sometimes we go so far, that we actually are satisfied with less – “Oh, I feel this is the miracle”… when God actually hasn’t even started.
I find it to be a matter of trust… Thus the title above. Speaking about myself, I’m discovering that in reality I don’t trust God as much as I used to. Give me a problem – I can solve it. If I figure I can’t – I can learn to live with it. Rarely, however, do I actually trust God to the extend of believing in a miracle. This goes for simple things such as daily provisions, but also for more major things, such as changing myself, others, the Church (universal)… people I know and I love.
The scary part is – I think it’s not just me that’s gone that far out there. I’m seeing more and more Christians either getting comfortable with pain and hurt, not believing it can be healed and/or changed… Or – even worse – going about it on their own. Struggling to make enough money for living. Unsuccessfully juggling with serving God and serving the company, school or whatever else.
Sadly, it’s only every now and then that I’m having those revelation moments in which I realize – Whether it’s with or without this or that… it doesn’t really matter. I can be dead and gone in an instant and then only one thing matters. But speaking about daily life… oh well, if I say I trust God I’d probably be lying. Cause trust, in my understanding, is not what I live out in practice right now.